What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
