it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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