Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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