I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
