I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
