I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
