Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
