plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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