god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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