I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
