if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
