going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
