i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
