She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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