if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
