i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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