I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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