She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
