we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
