So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
