you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
