in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
