do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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