My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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