We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
