Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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