I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
