You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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