I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
