her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
As shirtless as possible
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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