Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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