2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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