Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
