I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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