How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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