that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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