What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
