I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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