and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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