He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
