I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize