Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you never un-have a 4some
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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