Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
