She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
