He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
