so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
