I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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