i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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