dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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