the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
