Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
