I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
