At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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