lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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