ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
