He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
