Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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