Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
